As you might know, I am a full time Internet
I edit video in New York and I reblog things that make me feel clever.
"fuck your bad vibes bro" — ughwhocares
"quit fucking up my zen, jackass" — party-wok
"Go fuck yourself. #LYLAS!" — whatwhatwhat
"dad ur drunk i can tell" — llhenley
"YAY JAMISON THAT IS HOW I MEANT IT" — luckypaperstars
"Whoa, that IS really cool about ferns." — taoistdrunk
"not saying, just saying" — johndarnielle
"Brilliant use of Larry David. Brilliant." — coketalk
"i rescind all objections" — twentysomethingfloater
"if you want to start shit, have some fucking balls." — nedhepburn
"hahahaha perfect" — nickdivers
And if you are seated in your high chair, or in a chair such as a greater person might use, keep your legs and feet below you as they were. Neither raise up your knees, nor place your feet upon the table, for that is an abomination to me. Yes, even when you have an interesting bandage to show, your feet upon the table are an abomination, and worthy of rebuke. Drink your milk as it is given you, neither use on it any utensils, nor fork, nor knife, nor spoon, for that is not what they are for; if you will dip your blocks in the milk, and lick it off, you will be sent away.
When you have drunk, let the empty cup then remain upon the table, and do not bite it upon its edge and by your teeth hold it to your face in order to make noises in it sounding like a duck; for you will be sent away. When you chew your food, keep your mouth closed until you have swallowed, and do not open it to show your brother or your sister what is within; I say to you, do not so, even if your brother or your sister has done the same to you. Eat your food only; do not eat that which is not food; neither seize the table between your jaws, nor use the raiment of the table to wipe your lips. I say again to you, do not touch it, but leave it as it is. And though your stick of carrot does indeed resemble a marker, draw not with it upon the table, even in pretend, for we do not do that, that is why. And though the pieces of broccoli are very like small trees, do not stand them upright to make a forest, because we do not do that, that is why. Sit just as I have told you, and do not lean to one side or the other, nor slide down until you are nearly slid away. Heed me; for if you sit like that, your hair will go into the syrup. And now behold, even as I have said, it has come to pass."
This is an annual reading in our home.